When I first read this blog by my Advanced Level 3 Mediumship student Lisa Scholz, it resonated with me. It came at the perfect time! I had just met a gentleman at one of my events who was estranged from a family member, and his mother on the other side was pleading with him to reach out and bridge the gap between them. Unfortunately, he was unwilling to do so – at least at that time. I hope that after a few days his mothers’ message of forgiveness was able to penetrate his defenses. Lisa’s insightful blog about revenge – the flip side of forgiveness – gives us all something to think about. As we head into the holiday season, it’s the perfect time to give up on grudges and desires to “get even” and choose forgiveness instead!
Lisa Scholz is a Professional Medium, Body Talk Practitioner and Licensed Clinical Social Worker. You can check out Lisa’s Facebook Page Here.
I’ve been thinking a lot about revenge lately. What is it? Why do we desire it? And why do some people pursue it?
Revenge is the desire to get even with someone who you believe wronged you. It’s vengeance, retaliation, payback, and retribution. In our mind…it’s justice. When someone hurts us (or our friends and family) we want to punish that person who is responsible. We want that other person to suffer and feel pain too.
Revenge is instinctual, an automatic reaction, and it’s been written about since Biblical times. We have all experienced the desire for revenge. But my question is, is it really worth our energy?
Thousands of years ago, Chinese philosopher Confucius said: “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
When we’re hurt and angry we believe revenge will make us feel better. And when we imagine revenge, we DO feel better. But is that really what’s going to happen? Will we truly feel better? Let’s dig a little deeper.
Researcher Dan Ariely found via PET scans that people actively thinking of revenge had an increase in the reward center of the brain. This is why revenge can feel “so sweet.” And this is one of the reasons why we desire it. However, he also found that even after revenge was acted upon, people still felt angry and upset. There was no resolution. The cycle of anger and hurt continued on even after ‘justice’ was served.
Another researcher named Mario Gollwitzer also studied this phenomenon and found that the only way the act of revenge actually made people feel better was when the perpetrator acknowledged what they did wrong. So basically, an eye for an eye didn’t leave people feeling any better, even though they THOUGHT it would.
So what do we do when we want revenge and we believe we deserve it? What do we do when there’s slim to no chance that the person who hurt or harmed us will ever acknowledge what they did? How do we handle our desire for revenge without acting on it? It’s easy to say Karma will come and get them (and yes, it will eventually). But what can we do in the meantime? From an energetic perspective, here are 4 things you can do to help you move forward in a healthier way.
- Cut the energetic cords that bind you to the other person. If you’re continuing to think about that person and the situation that hurt you, you are staying energetically connected to them…in a negative way. Say a prayer and visualize yourself cutting any and all energetic cords connecting you to them. You may have to do this many times and the cords can be located on several areas of your body. Do this every day (or several times a day) until you feel better.
- Imagine a white light encircling you, the other person, and the situation that caused you pain. Pray for God or your Higher Power to transform your hurt and pain into peace and forgiveness. Remember this is for you, not them.
- Look for the lessons in this situation. Are there things you can learn from because of this experience? Has your soul grown because of what you’ve gone through? It may be difficult to observe any lessons, but I bet they are there.
- Trust that Karma will take care of everything. I know it’s hard to wait on this especially when you would love to see Karma served to the other person. You probably want to deliver it yourself! However, you have to trust that the universe sees everything…including your behavior. So do your best to release the situation and move forward.
I think the biggest take away here is that you realize revenge won’t make you feel any better unless the person who hurt you acknowledges what they did. If you continue to dwell on revenge, you will stay stuck in the cycle of negativity and you only end up hurting yourself. The negative energy you hold for the other person will only make YOU miserable. Do your best to focus on your own peace and not their punishment.
Remember, Karma is a bigger bitch than you can ever be! What goes around comes around. What you reap, you sow. Karma will work once we remove ourselves from the cycle of bad behavior. So the sooner you can do this, the better off you’ll be.
Finally, trust that it will all be taken care of without your direct action. If you keep your energy clean, you’ll move forward without creating any negative repercussions for yourself. Pray, pray, and pray some more for your own peace and strength, and do your best to realize that you are a stronger person because of your experience.
Lots of love to you and yours.