To be happy we must not be too concerned with others.
You walk into a friend’s home and immediately make note of dust bunnies under the couch, clutter piled up on the dining room table, and the shabby recliner in the corner. Or, you make critical comments about a coworker’s unorthodox approach to their job. Maybe you’re considering calling your homeowners association to report a neighbors overgrown grass. What do all these things have in common? In every case you’ve chosen to make a negative assumption about someone – they’re a bad housekeeper, incompetent employee, lazy homeowner – instead of taking the higher road.
Judging others is something you probably do without even thinking about it, and as human beings, we’re all guilty of it from time to time. But the more aware you are of why and when you judge, the better you’ll be able to break this destructive habit, and – trust me – the better you’ll feel.
Living up to the expectations of others.
For most of us, the roots of judgment go back to childhood. When I was growing up, we were constantly being graded and compared to our peers. In school and at home the message was clear – follow the rules, stay at the top of your class, be the MVP on your sports team, and work hard to please your parents and teachers. We were rewarded for meeting the expectations of the adults in our lives, constantly jockeying for position with classmates and siblings to compete for love and approval. We were being judged, and we reacted by judging those around us.
The illusion of separateness.
As an adult, it’s easy to continue down the familiar road of measuring yourself against other people, but it won’t lead to the authentic life you desire. Judgment is a FEAR-based behavior, tied to the ILLUSION that we are all separate. Labeling someone as “not ok” in your own mind is a way to build yourself up, but the satisfaction is short lived. Deep down you know that other people are just a mirror that reflects how you feel about yourself, and the behavior you judge most harshly in others is the one you fear the most. As my friend Gabby Bernstein, puts it “When we judge others, we are often projecting out something we don’t want to feel about ourselves or something we feel is missing about ourselves.”
You are here to live your own life, not the life other people expect you to lead – and that goes for everyone else too! Judgment stems from your own insecurities, when you accept and love others as they are, you will also begin to accept and love yourself.
Raising Your Frequency from judgment to love.
So how can you break the judgment habit? The first step is to be conscious and mindful of how you interact with people. When you feel the urge to judge, pause and ask yourself these questions:
- Am I seeing the whole picture – the history/motivation behind this person’s actions?
- What is the lesson I can learn from this person?
- What does my reaction to their actions or behavior say about me?
- Is my reaction kind and compassionate?
- How can I replace judgment with love?
You’ll be surprised about how much better you feel about yourself when you respond to others with acceptance and compassion rather than judgment. You will have eliminated a low frequency emotion from your life, and replaced it with love for the people in your life, and for yourself.
Join me and special guest, Gabby Bernstein, on Hay House Radio!
There’s so much to say about judgment, fear and love, and the role they play in how we live our lives. Let’s continue the conversation LIVE this Tuesday, March 27th when Gabby Bernstein joins me on my Hay House Radio show at 11:00am pacific time. Click Here to join, or download the free Hay House Radio app on your phone or tablet!